Truthfully, I’ve never been a sunset person. I resent anything fleeting. The pragmatist in me (or in astrology terms, my Capricorn stellium) prefers things I can hold in my hands. But Bre loves sunsets almost as much as I love her so for as long as I’ve known her, we’ve texted each other photos of the sun setting whenever we are apart.

Up until recently, I thought we were just exchanging “I love you’s” back and forth in the language Bre taught me when I was nineteen. I thought we were just saying, “Look how beautiful the sky is. This photo doesn’t quite do it justice. I wish you were here right now.”

But then my grandma passed away two years ago and then Bre’s Poppy passed and I realized what we’ve been doing for the last seven years is practicing telling each other something else.

Because now when I send her a photo of the sky glowing bright orange, what I’m actually saying is, “Look, your Poppy is still lighting up every room that he walks into.  Even heaven can’t contain all his brightness.”

And now when Bre texts me a photo of the sun setting, what she’s really saying is, “See, your grandma is still watching over you. She is still walking you home after your runs.” 

All of a sudden this simple exchange of sunset photos became a language of familiarity when nothing else was. Like coming home after being away for a while and being called your childhood nickname. Like shouting at the sky asking if everything is going to be okay and hearing it whisper, “yes” before everything becomes dark.

There’s this Dosyoyevesky quote about the sun where he writes, “I see the sun, and if I don’t see the sun, I know it’s there. And there’s a whole life in that, in knowing that the sun is there.” 

And I think that’s maybe why Bre loves sunsets. Because even when the sun sets, she knows it’s still there. She reminds you that it’s still there, that everyone is still here.

Happy Birthday, Bre. You have made me a sunset person and a sunrise person and a stargazer for every moment in between the two. There’s so much life in that, in you, in being your friend. I love you.