I’ve been listening to a lot of Fleetwood Mac lately. My mom actually loves Fleetwood Mac as well, but I never knew any of her favorite bands growing up. No one ever played music or sang in my household. Our car rides were always quiet. We did not talk about the things we loved. 

And then I moved to Chicago after I was promoted from ” friend who always visits” to “roommate”. And I started listening to music everyday because Kaitlyn listens to music everyday. She plays music when she cooks. She listens to it when she showers. She hums and sings during her work day. By doing so, she has introduced me to every single one of my favorite songs.

Because of her, I’m now someone who sings in the shower. If a love letter could only be one sentence long, this would be it.

Your twenties are weird because you think you’re supposed to be learning who you are, but a lot of that is unlearning who you’re not. You learn that touching the thermostat actually isn’t the end of the world, that you’re not an inherently angry person, you were just always cold. You learn that sometimes lounging on the couch watching reality is not an unproductive waste of time but a moment of intentional togetherness without pressure or expectation to do or be impressive. You learn that silence isn’t necessarily equivalent to peace, that the clinking of dishes and the shuffling of footsteps and the 45 second increments of humming are actually promises that you’re never alone in this world or this life, even if sometimes it feels that way.

Kaitlyn and I have been friends for nearly a decade now, yet I still catch myself thinking about how different my life would have been if I had found her earlier, how little there would be for me to unlearn. But I also think maybe that’s the beauty of friendship and of growing older in general, that it’s never too late to change one another. And it’s never too late to change yourself.

I’ve been thinking a lot about this quote lately, “When you’re 25, you’ll have your whole life ahead of you. And when you’re 35, the same thing will still be true.” And I thought I always found it comforting because of how it framed the passing of time, how it promised more of it, but lately I find it reassuring because of who I know I will spend it with, knowing that for these next 30 years, Kaitlyn and I get to be best friends the entire time. That we get to keep trying new gummy candy and smoking cigarettes and listening to music together, both new and old. And that I get to be someone who sings and hums outloud, someone who is unafraid to talk about the things and people I love. 

Happy 30th birthday, Kaitlyn. I’ve been writing you birthday messages for 6 years now and even though I never run out of things to say, at the heart of them, I am always saying the exact same thing: I love you. Thank you for choosing to spend the last decade with me. I can’t wait to do it all over again.